And this week I've discovered that it's really hard to take ten sentences out of your story and have them make sense. But Bullseye has his own problems.
“You really want to leave?” said
Ella. “Wouldn’t your friends miss you?”
“Them! They treat me like a pup!”
said Bullseye. “I should go over there and say ‘Give me one good reason I
should stay, you crumbs! Why shouldn’t I just ride out on my own?’ I should do
that, shouldn’t I?”
Ella looked at him, her exotic
green eyes sad. A breeze ruffled her lacy yellow bonnet and the frills of her dress.
“Please stay,” she said softly.
Bullseye tried to keep his face
straight, but he had to look away.
“Okay,” he said. He rode back to the
rear of the herd.
I'm not sure it's clear what I was going for here, but I'll see if your comments answer that for me.
I'm sensing Ella's strong feelings for Bullseye, and his own uncertainty at that - and his desire not to let her know either that her feelings are reciprocated, or else that he does not have such feelings for her, and does not want her to realise. Intriguing sequence (and yes, picking something that works on its own in 10 sentences or less can be very tricky!)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing Bullseye is a bit of a rascal trying to figure out how she feels about him, or trying to force her to admit feelings he knows she has. All he wanted was for her to ask him to stay.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I agree with the other comments. He's trying to gauge her reaction to him saying he wants to leave. Interesting snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteI read it as his just having to resistance to a woman's saying "Please."
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the ten sentences! It's always hard for me to choose like that, sharing without context. Seemed to me he was looking for a reason to stay and hoping she'd give him one.
ReplyDeleteYup. Sounds like he's trying to figure out if she likes him or not. My guess is yes, she does.
ReplyDeleteNo snippet from me this week... I'll be back next time!
It is hard to choose without giving a long explanation as to the context, but this snippet works well by itself. It presents the anxiety of not knowing what to do, wanting a change and finding a resistance (Ella) worth reconsidering for. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteRomantic and sweet. I'm also finding it hard to have my snippets stand alone and make sense. If you can say it all in ten sentences you wouldn't be writing a book, right? BTW: My snippet is on my blog but alas I have forgotten to submit it this week.
ReplyDeleteShawn, really got a hint of each character in just these ten sentences--bravo!
ReplyDelete:) Heidi